Welcome to the Party, Pal!
Advice to shell shocked parents therapist, Pamela-Jaeger Garfield
Not the Party You Expected
Ok, so you’ve discovered the nefarious lie behind the trans movement and realized no kids are truly trans—there’s no proof anyone is born in the wrong body. You see that most young people on the “trans train” are vulnerable kids caught up in a social contagion fueled by social media and entertainment, then solidified in schools and medical settings. You now recognize that you’re surrounded by lies harming children, families, and many adults. Then you notice these lies are reinforced by every institution you once believed in. You might feel betrayed by doctors, only to discover some ethical ones exist but have been heavily coerced to stay silent about the obvious harms of puberty blockers and cross-sex hormones in children. Whoa, this is big. Now you understand we’re living through one of the greatest medical scandals of all time, on par with lobotomies. You never believed in conspiracies, and you always thought doctors were mostly okay. How do you come to terms with all that? Give yourself a minute. That’s a tough pill to swallow.
Perhaps your entire world has been turned upside down because someone close to you, like your own teenage daughter, has announced she is transgender. You know it can’t be true because you’ve known her since she was a baby. You see she has trauma or autism, heightened sensitivity, and social struggles. You can easily discern that she falsely believes a trans identity will fix her emotional pain. In fact, you were there once. You remember being a struggling teen who felt terrible in your skin, so you can relate to the false belief that changing everything about yourself could seem like the best way to make the discomfort go away.
A Heartbreaking Betrayal
You are a kind person who makes an extra effort to care about people who are different and don’t always fit in, and you care about your daughter more than anyone. But in your revelation, you’ve also realized you’re living in some kind of Twilight Zone where the people you always trusted are now actively turning you against your teen and calling you a transphobe for simply having questions. It’s quite a lonely feeling.
However, you are not alone. As Bruce Willis said in Die Hard, “Welcome to the party, pal!” Many parents and adults have navigated this minefield alone before. They lost relationships with friends and family members over this disagreement. They once thought they were crazy. But now that it’s 2025, several parents, professionals, victims of gender medicine, and concerned citizens have risen against the tyranny and built networks for people just like you. You are in the right place.
Fighting for Your Child’s Reality
But now what? What do you do? Understand that helping your child isn’t an easy road, but it’s not an impossible one either. First, I’d like to congratulate you on sifting through one of the biggest propaganda campaigns in history and seeing right through it. You are grounded in reality, and that’s exactly what your child needs. You’ve been called ugly names and will face more, but stay strong. You can handle it. You are being tested like you probably have never been tested before. Stay true to yourself, and you will pass the “test.” Kids need the adults in their lives to stay strong, even when they pretend to hate you. It’s not love to affirm a lie, especially a lie that does psychological and physical harm. Remember you are the adult and trust yourself. Your gut feelings are speaking to you; listen to them. You have instincts that can serve you well if you believe in yourself. You can find counselors and mentors to guide you, but in the end, you call the shots. You know your child best, and you can get your child back to reality. You can’t give up. You must be active and present in their lives. You have to show you care without bowing to the ideology. You must learn how to set limits on influences such as peer groups promoting transgender ideology and technology. You need to be firm, yet patient and caring. You love your child more than anything, so you will be present and make sure you spend quality time together as much as possible. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution, but here are a few suggestions:
Take away phones and screens; it’s like crack for kids and is quite addictive. Help your child detox like she is withdrawing from a drug.
Remove your child from the social influences of transgender at school or elsewhere.
Evaluate if you have trouble setting limits in general. If so, consider what might be a barrier to maintaining your authority as a parent.
Be honest about yourself, your family dynamics, and how these things might be impacting your child. The trans identity is a symptom of other issues. What are some root causes, and how can those be addressed?
Learn patience and do a lot of listening, especially in the beginning. Resist the impulse to lecture and say what is probably very obvious to you. Yes, there are only two sexes, but your child is under a spell right now and can’t hear it easily. For a while, you probably can’t confront it head-on; you will need to be strategic. But always stay in reality.
When the subject of trans comes up, ask open-ended questions and gently work to poke holes in the ever-changing trans narrative. Example: What does trans mean to you? How did you know you were a boy? (Listen to the full answer.) Follow up with: What makes anyone a boy? Does being good at sports make you a boy? Can girls be good at sports? Asking questions and listening is much more effective than lecturing.
Arming Yourself with Answers
I know you want a manual, but there isn’t one. For more guidance, I’ve written a book with many more ideas and suggestions, although, as you know, your family is unique. Still, remember that you know your family best, and you have the strength to fix it. No professional can do it for you; even the best need you to be involved in the process.
To learn more about debunking the trans lies, understanding the many underlying influences on kids who believe they are trans, how therapists are trained to manipulate parents, how to stand up to the pronoun tyranny, ideas for more open-ended questions to ask your teen, how to screen for a therapist who will work with your family holistically, and an extensive list of resources, check out A Practical Response to Gender Distress, written by me—a therapist with over 20 years of experience working with teens and families. Available on Amazon.
Read Genspect’s review of Pamela’s book here.
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